Left: Crysta Right: Magicka
Listening to: Like Drawing Blood - Goyte
It feels like the rapid descent to the end of December which means the end of this awesome trip!! Lots of things to think about upon our return - priorities in life etc and how to go about making subtle or not so subtle changes to move into a more authentic life :)
Missing Mum, (no pix of Mum on me) Magicka & Crysta like crazy.
It must have something to do with being away (our first real OS holiday in ten years) and stopping. Having time to think, reflect, feel. How much of our life is lived on automatic pilot that we don't stop and find the stillness to just sit with thought - not necessarily grieve, but more remember and rejoice in their lives whether they are still with us or departed?
It's coming up to Mum's 10th anniversary on the 22nd of this month. It's been a surreal time for me as my subconcious has been playing tricks on me by giving me thought patterns about Mum in the present tense eg: Must tell Mum that when I get home, or Mum will laugh so hard when I tell her this... then the reality hits me. The crazy thing is I am all too well aware that she's not here doh, but for a nanosecond or two my mind tricks me into thinking it so - and the same goes for Magicka & Crysta. Has anyone else experienced this? Of course I miss Mitzi but in a different way as I know from regular reports from home that she is well and happy.
I'm glad we're spending Mum's anniversary and Xmas in Egypt - it's actually nice to be immersed in a completely different culture who don't celerbrate Christmas as we do. No jolly fat men in red suits,no Xmas trees or lights or decorations, no crazy last minute shopping to where you can't breathe from the suffocating crowds. It makes for a nice change :)
Seventeen years ago I spent Xmas in Israel which was amazing to experience the complete absence of it. This year will be in Egypt and besides some festivities from the Christian community, it will be very low key - a nice quiet reflective moment. As Mum was never fond of Xmas either, being in this part of the world at this time somehow brings my link to her even closer.
While I feel sad and contemplative, Iwill be rejoicing and celebrating the memory of Mum, and my kidz life in a magical setting. The Sinai. A rugged land of dry desert mountains that shifts and changes in colour by the rays of the morning and evening sun. A land known throughout history for its prophets and nomads. It is this I relate. It is this I know my mother relates which is possibly why I'm missing her so much. If I stop and listen hard enough I think I'll find I don't need to miss her as she's already here :)
Midnight rambler wishing you all Salaam alukum (peace be upon you)...
I have experienced what you are talking about. I think it's because our 'emotional reality' is timeless. It doesn't understand the passing of weeks, months, years. It's always there, always able to be tapped into. Salaam alukum to you too!
ReplyDeleteHi Nicky
ReplyDeleteThanx for all your comments and I do get why you retreat - it's so very important to feed the soul and nurture ourselves :) I published your post on snorkelling but alas it hasn't appeared!! Yes, me a moon and water girl too except I stick to land these days after almost drowning twice in my life I don't want to tempt fate in case it's 3 strikes and I'm out LOL.
Hi Lisette - it certainly is an amazing trip! I'm not writing as I go, I am however taking many notes, lotsa pix and absorbing it all. Been allowing myself the space and time to process the experience and hopefully put pen to paper on my return and be a creative genuius :)
ReplyDeleteThanx Jo - so very well summed up. Today is Mum's anniversary and I'm feeling very reflective and enjoying just hanging out by the turquoise waters back in Dahab and knowing that Mum would've loved it here. I'm sure she'll pop in and join me for a coffee soon :) Salaam alukum xxx
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